Collectively we slay

Inspired by the CDC’s COVID-19 guidance

Social isolation, feelings of depravation.

Sitting all alone, is this my new norm?

Don’t want to catch the fever.

So, I’ll see you when I see you.

Uplift, uptick, stay away until it’s gone.

Take a page from history.

This ain’t where you wanna be.

Crazy as it seems, are we all living in fear?

Let’s try to get some answers, so we can all be clear.

Rush hour shut down.

Planes staying on ground.

City transit hault. No more on the way.

Schools are closed. No lessons to learn.

Keep your distance now or you might get your turn.

COVID-19, it ain’t what you want.

Go sit down, and don’t try to flaunt.

Social distance guides the day.

Just stick to it. Ain’t nothing but to do it.

This is not the time to break away.

Bravery is for the modest,

Meek, mild and honest.

Collectively we slay.

All day, all day, all day.

We slay that COVID-19

What else can I say?

Wave good-bye to that COVID-19.

Don’t let it catch you today.

I’m an orange moon

I’m an orange moon.

I live to dance and play til noon.

Can’t fight this feeling to want to dance.

The music has me in a trance.

Bobbing my head as I move and groove.

The one things that’s missing is you.

But. I’m an orange moon.

So I’ll catch you in the afternoon.

Faded Pictures

Faded pictures

Long-lost days

Once joyful spaces

That time’s erased

A surreal feeling

Don’t know what to do

So I just stand still

So I don’t break loose.

I saw this coming

I tried to prepare

But this stunned emotion

Causes me to just stand and stare

Got to shake this off

Cause it don’t feel right

Espcially with these better days

And the restful nights

The shop’s now closed

It’s time to move on

At least that’s the story I tell myself

As I weep and moan

Everyone’s moved on

They have new paths to lead

I’ve done my job

In that I must find peace

No time to keep grieving

No time for sad songs

The shop’s now closed

So I must move on

The journey is set

The path is brightly lit

There’s an amazing journey ahead

No time to wait and sit.

Fall is . . .

Spicy like a cup of hot chai tea.

It’s aromatic like the delicious smell of your favorite meal or dessert baking in the oven.

It’s calming like the sweet sounds of a baby cooing in your ear when it’s happy and content, or like a warm gentle breeze as it rushes along your face.

Fall is romantic like a long walk with the one you love.

It’s bright, colorful and vivid.

It’s cool, warm and breezy like a confident person living his or her best life.

Fall can be short-lived and infinite at the same time.

It brings the calm before the winter storm.

It opens windows to let the things of the summer fly away and escape to warmer days.

It’s a daily world of confetti celebrating your every move.

It brings longer nights so you can rest more and sleep peacefully.

Fall sets a perfect mood.

The tone in the air is undeniable. You feel a sense of peace as fall does what it does.

It energizes you to gather and prepare for the colder months that are sure to come your way.

Yet, it doesn’t pretend to be your friend.

It simply is what it is — beautiful, inviting, relaxing, exciting, and so much more until it’s bare — stripped right down to its core.

Then it’s good-bye, fall.  Catch you on the other side. You were my friend until the end.

A true ride-or-die.

Winter is here, but I’ll never forget you.
So let’s say so long but not good-bye

Don’t let their bark trigger your bite

At work today, I had the displeasure of someone on my staff disrespecting me via an email thread! And, she responded to everyone on her reply to me. While I’m not surprised that this particular person did what she did because she’s shown her hands to be dirty and deceitful before, I was caught off guard with her reply after I had given her an urgent assignment for the organization’s website. She replied,

“As I said, I’m swamped too, but ok.”

Really? Are you kidding me? I said this out loud to myself. Who does this person think she’s talking to? It was all I could do not to storm out of my office and go to her desk to confront her face-to-face. But that would’ve been me reacting to someone else’s lack of self-worth and bad business etiquette.

Still, I found her response and tone to be unprofessional, disrespectful and inconsiderate not only to me but also to the others on the email as well.  After reading her response, I immediately picked up the phone and called her. She didn’t answer. Big surprise there. And I didn’t leave a voice message. No, I needed to kill two birds with one stone. I needed to create a paper trail to document her comment and acknowledge that I heard her loud and clear. Her reply spoke to other incidences where I’ve had to document her insubordinate or disrespectful behavior. I also wanted to educate and coach her on other ways she could’ve handled the situation.

So, I sent her an email letting her know how I felt about her response and gave her some insight on what to do moving forward — and if she knew what was good for her (I thought), she’d better comply.  She apologized and we’ve moved on–at least for now.

I admit that my initial feelings was that of outrage. This was not the first time this particular person tried to test the boundaries of my role as her supervisor, the limits of my patience and her own sense if entitlement. Because she has been with the organization for over 20 years, I get the feeling she hasn’t been required to do her best or even the basics of her role. Her M-O, in my opinion, has been to make sarcastic remarks that she’s dumb enough to think I can’t catch. It’s as if she has a bone to pick with me only because I’m her supervisor. I get the impression that she would rather have anyone but me give her assignments. Yet, regardless of her ignorant behavior throughout the few years that I’ve had to oversee her work, I never let her rude comments and negative behavior affect how I operate. Now, I’m not saying I haven’t had my moments when I wanted to write her up with the hope of one day showing her the door, no, not at all. I’m saying that I learned a long time ago that people from all walks of life will try you. They’ll push buttons you don’t know you have just to get a reaction– and to deflect others from their own inadequacies.  Falling for that trick can actually put you on the defensive. Soon, you could end up setting yourself up for failure. Then all they have to do is sit back and watch you self-destruct because their work is done.

Now, part of my role is to oversee operations for my department, supervise staff and, of course, hand out assignments. Just to provide a little background on the email, our department received word that the president wanted some photos replaced on the website. The notice came via email and several people were cc’d on it, including another one of my staff members and our department head. Me losing my cool and biting the “dog” who felt the need to show her hand and bark at me would prove nothing. Besides, I’m too savvy for that. I wasn’t going to allow myself to regress to her level. Thus, I had to make her rise to my level. That’s a part if coaching, and my vision is to be a leader who motivates, not destroys. What would be the good in breaking someone down just because you can? Make no mistake about it, my bite is much worse than her bark…but I’d rather let my work and my good deeds speak for me.

So what would you have done? Lets talk.

When you feel like you’re in a fish bowl, jump out

Sometimes I can just feel people watching me as I enter a restaurant alone. I pull out a chair to sit down, and as soon as I feel like I’m just getting comfortable, I look up and realize people are staring at me.  And just like anyone else may do in this situation, I wonder why?  Do I have a piece of toilet paper stuck to my shoe, or do I look so good that you just can’t take your eyes off me?  Ha-ha. 

Several years ago, this would have been an issue for me, but not anymore. Today, while I’m still quite aware of people’s eyes on me as I enter a restaurant or any other place alone, I don’t personalize it as much because I’ve come to a more comfortable place in my life after being divorced for several years. I’ve learned how to get over it. 

Before divorce, I never felt a sense of jealousy of anyone. I still don’t. However, after divorce I found myself by myself with an eagle eye for spotting couples. It made me feel some type of way about my new situation. As a new divorcee, being single was a challenging revelation to deal with because I didn’t know how to be alone, having grown up in a big family with many siblings, as well as being a mom.

After divorce, venturing out by myself was almost a no-no for I had become accustomed to having someone by my side.  Being by myself was never something I ever aspired to do. I was more family-focused and looked forward to my family outings. Oh, what great memories my ex and I created with our children. Unfortunately, the winds of times put a dent in our relationship and divorce was a must.

So, there I was alone, but still wanting to have a great social life. And by this time, my children were teenagers with social lives of their own.  Now, we still had our family time, but it was clear that I had entered a new season in my life. Yet, I had to wrestle with the fact that going out and doing things on my own wasn’t easy for me.

During the first few months following my divorce, I would walk into a restaurant and immediately feel like all eyes were on me. This bothered me because I felt like I was being judge for not being with anyone (a man, specifically). So, I may have rolled my eyes a time or two. And, I admit that I was still hurt and angry about my divorce; thus, my energy was probably very negative towards anyone whom I felt was judging me. My thoughts in those moments went something like this:

Oh, if you haven’t notice it yet, I’m dining out…and yes, I’m doing it along. By myself. No other person in my company. And to that, I say so what? I mean really, what’s the big deal? A woman can’t dine alone without glaring eyes and mumbles that seem to be focused on her? And what business is this of yours anyway?

I know what you might be thinking. But, no, I don’t believe I was being paranoid. Although, I have no scientific proof to say conclusively that people were indeed fixating on me dining out alone; I can only speak to what I was experiencing during those moments. I felt like I was in a fish bowl.  And I didn’t appreciate it.

But fast forward several years later, and I can honestly say I’m good! I’m more than alright with being out and about on my own — without the benefit of my family, my children or — dare I say it– a man.

After my divorce was finalized, I had no idea of what I would I do with myself nor how to reconcile that I was no longer married. What I was certain of is that my stress level was a nine on a 10-point scale, and it was beginning to affect my health. Although it was challenging to do, I decided to go on long walks by myself. Not only was this an enjoyable pastime, but it gave me an opportunity to reflect on my life and where it had taken me up to that point. All kinds of questions raced through my mind. I wondered how my children were dealing with not having their father around. What did they think about me? Were they able to focus on their studies, and how would we move forward as a family?

Along the trails, I saw many couples and families. While seeing them brought back fond memories from my past, I could feel my stress levels rising with each group I encountered.  Nevertheless, something told me to keep walking. This brought me a sense of comfort within myself. Eventually, I was able to focus more on the things that truly mattered in my life, including my children.  And I began to strategize how I would move forward in all aspects of my life.

As my stress levels began to subside along the trails, I began to consider the possibility that I may have been feeling a teeny bit paranoid after divorce.  Worrying about what others thought of me quickly became a thing of the past. You see, as I continued to walk, I could feel that I truly wasn’t alone. There was something about the way the wind blew against my face and through the trees. As I walked passed trees along the trail, the wind would hit them, and they would shake and sway as I approached them. It was as if they were acknowledging my presence and assuring me that my prayers were being heard and I would be comforted. It was amazing to see, and I wondered if anyone else saw it.

The more I walked over the summer of my first year of being divorced, I found that I was sleeping better and had a more optimistic view. I was looking better, too. Eventually, I began to enjoy the moments of solitude as I was learning so much about who I had become and what I wanted in life. And what I wanted then and now is to be happy and live a life of purpose without regret or deception.

Today, walking in a room alone has become a part of my master plan to be free from the social norms that say I should be ashamed to do so. While I don’t plan to remain single for the duration of my lifetime, I have to say that being single can be as exciting or as awful as one would make it out to be. Therefore, I chose to make my life a grand adventure full of fun, friendship, unlimited possibilities, and of course, family.

Besides, there are many other single women and men who are ignoring the pressures placed on them by society. They’re not booed up. My advice is to not worry about what others may think of you. Get over that hurdle now, jump out of that mental fish bowl and don’t look back.

I wasn’t prepared for the unexpected

Last night my youngest son and I stepped out for an evening to celebrate my birthday. He was treating me to a magic show and dinner. Now, I love to see tricks of illusion and be in the company of others who can appreciate the effort the magicians put into their performances. So, I was really looking forward to a night of fun.

As we arrived outside the venue, I stepped out of the car and began to walk towards the entrance of the building. As I walked, I could feel a warm breeze brush against my face as I glanced around to assess the neighborhood and people who were out and about just enjoying a beautiful summer evening. As I continued to walk, I gently smoothed my hair into place and adjusted my dress to ensure it was draping me just as it should. I tell ya. I thought I was looking good! You couldn’t tell me I wasnt. And it was my birthday, so I was trying to look my best. Suddenly, I noticed that my left shoe was feeling loose. I wasn’t sure if it just needed a slight adjustment, but we were so close to the venue that I decided to wait until I got inside to fix it. Well, to my surprise, the shoe had other plans in mind and began to fall apart with each step I took. It felt like I was in a sinking ship and couldn’t swim. It happened so fast that my mind had to catch up with the reality of what was going on. I was ready to enjoy the joys of a great magic show and one of my shoes was trying to play a disappearing act of its own. OMG! I looked at my son as I stood in the intersection looking down at my busted shoe. “My shoe has come apart. Unbelievable. What should I do?”

For a brief moment we felt a bit hopeless, I guess. But we quickly began to laugh at how crazy the moment was. I was not expecting anything like this to happen– especially on my birthday. My shoe just disintegrated off my foot! Afterwards, I took both shoes off and continued on to the venue. I could see a group of men dining in a restaurant watching it all as in unfolded. I couldn’t do anything but smile and carry on with my shoes in hand.

So we went inside the building to sign in. Then my son remembered he had a pair of sandals in his car that I might want to try. At that moment I would’ve taken two pieces of blocks with some string affixed to them to wear. So an oversized pair of men’s sandals was no problem for me, given the circumstances. We walked back to his car, tossed my busted shoes inside and grabbed the sandals. I was too tickled to feel bad about what was happening. By this time, my son found a nearby resale shop called Crossroad Trading just half a block from where we parked. As soon as I walked inside, I canvassed the store for shoes, and there they were, a size 8.5 black, peep toe shoes with what appeared to be a 2 inch heel. I picked them up to get a better look. And thought, “I can work with this.” I quickly paid for the shoes and put them on right inside the store. How grateful I felt to see and know that even though I wasn’t prepared for something as unexpected as my shoe exploding off my foot, my guardian angel surely had me covered. The shoes were situated on a shelf among several others and stood out like a sore thumb– at least to me. They were an almost perfect fit and went well with my dress.

Ahhhh…all was right again. My son and I headed back to the venue to enjoy a great two-hour performance of illusion. And this little mishap didn’t put a damper on my birthday at all. In fact, it made it all the more memorable.

What a day!

As the actor Denzel Washington said in the movie Training Day, “What @#&%day!”

Have you ever had one of those days where it seemed as though everything was going wrong for you? And I mean it seemed like the day itself had vengeance against you! And you’ve never even met!

I mean it’s a freaking brand-new day, so how can it have anything against you? You thought.

But there it was hit after hit, and punch after punch, the day seemed poised and ready to take you out for the count. 3-2-1 and you’re done! A technical knockout or sucker punch. It doesn’t matter because either one can take you out of the game quicker than Jack can jump over a candle stick… Boom! instant knockout. No instant replay…I’ve seen enough! I can’t take no mo”!

Yeah, I’ve had those days. I’ve had those moments.  There was a time when for a very long time it seemed like back to back to back something was happening that devastated me; and each blow was harder, rougher, meaner and tougher than the previous one. It got to the point where I just didn’t know how to think nor what to do with myself and the situations that we’re presenting themselves. There were times when I just felt numb.  I felt ineffective and overwhelmed. I felt like I had been let down by someone or I had let someone down and this was my punishment.

I think a lot of people when they’re going through seasons like that attribute their experiences to Job in the Bible. He went through so many trials and tribulation, and he had so much hurt and so much loss in his life.

Well, I have to say me too.  I’ve experienced all of that. As I know many of you and many others have as well.

What can I say? I’m a realist who knows that trials and tribulations are inevitable as we continue to live and move forward in our lives — you can’t escape them. You just can’t. Sometimes all you can do is just sit down and say what a day just to get past that moment of anguish until you can get to a point where the moment can become an hour and the hour becomes day by day. Then, you find yourself, hopefully, in a place where you can manage the hurt that you’re dealing with much better than you did the week before. Soon, you find that while the pain is still present and unbearable most of the time, you are able to function in life again to keep yourself afloat. People aren’t as worried about you as they once were. You seem to have pulled yourself together, so to say. But inside you know the truth. You wake up. You prepare for the day and then BOOM! Just like that, your mood could be triggered by a memory, a smell, a photo, a particular song or a place where all the good times from your past were experienced.

It’s been years since I’ve experienced great heartache and tragedy in my life. And not a day goes by that I don’t still feel the hurt on various levels. Let’s just say that there are truly some hurts that never go away. I’ve had to learn how to walk again in many shoes that I would have never chosen to wear. Yet, here I am now required to wear something that we all must face at some point. They hurt and I know I will never get them to a point where they will ever feel comfortable. They are only meant to help me manage the grief and loss I deal with and give me hope for better days ahead. I’m grateful and hopeful and now live my life in the moment for I never know the day nor the hour I’ll have to say “What a day! “

Be safe. Be smart. Have fun.

I was thinking about authenticity today

How do you know if you are being your true authentic self? I mean, have you ever just stopped to think about how many times you decided to change the way you carried yourself? And I understand that we should switch up what we are doing depending on what’s going on around us; so, I’m not talking about those moments. What I’m asking is have you ever gotten out of bed and, as you began to prepare for the day, considered what others would think about how you wear your hair, how you dress, how you carry yourself? And then after going through that, you made a conscious effort to conform to what you thought would be acceptable to those individuals – even if you didn’t know them? What if they were people you didn’t even respect?

Now, what if wearing your hair in the style that you decided would be less- or non-offensive to those individuals was something that didn’t really fit your personality or mood? Do you think you lost some authenticity about yourself? And if so, how do you feel about it?

Are we being authentic? I mean, look at the world around us. There are so many cues and subliminal messages floating around that it’s really a guessing game when it comes to something as simple as knowing whether or not we are being our true, authentic self.  How do we know we’re not being programmed by those messages on a deeper level to fit this invisible mold to be like everyone else around us?  And it’s totally understandable. We are bombarded with images in videos, print, music and events that showcase a particular lifestyle, a way of dressing and speaking, and a way of simply socializing. And speaking of socializing, now we have the ability to be anyone we want to be on social media platforms. I saw a news clip about some people who said they like the way their phone filter makes them look, so they wanted to have plastic surgery to look more like the altered version of their image. I mean, really? Where is the authenticity in that? Think about it, someone is about to alter his or her actual appearance through plastic surgery to look like something that someone else created in their mind and then probably sketched out in a notebook before developing it for the app. Trying to be yourself is tough enough without adding a lot of bulls#*t filters to the mix, in my opinion, because from the time we leave our homes people are trying to shape us either by how they treat us or talk to us. And some people fall victim to it.

Have you ever had the experience of being around people who place labels on you to fit whatever image they have of you in their minds? I guess that makes them feel better about how they interact with you. It’s bizarre to me. And, even when you show people what you’re really about, they still actively ignore that and see you how they want to see you? In this case you have to just ignore them and choose to continue to be you – not some funky alternate version of yourself.  

No, just be you.

Never surrender to other people’s views of who you are. They have issues and you don’t have to play into them. Don’t dance to their songs or march to their drums. At least that’s what I’ve learned. Just be you and if you haven’t found yourself yet, spend some time alone so that you can get to know who you really are. What do you like to do when it’s raining outside? When you walk into a crowded room and you don’t recognize anyone, how do you react? Would you rather take a long walk or a bike ride? Do you like to go out on the weekends, or would you rather stay home reading a good book or binge-watching a season of your favorite television show?

Now maybe I’ve gone into the deep end on this one, but I was just thinking about how some people could lose a part of themselves if they’re trying to be what others want or expect them to be.

I’ve fallen victim to this nonsense many years ago. When I moved to a big city from a small town, I wanted to rock a certain style, but I was told that it was forbidden in the dress code policy at the place where I then worked. While I wasn’t devastated, I was disappointed because I loved a particular hair style and it was a part of who I was at the time — and I didn’t like looking like everyone else. But certain hairstyles and clothing were not permitted. Oh well, I thought. Must follow the rules. However, that carried on to other places where I worked.  I had to actually consider what others would say before I left home. But fortunately, I’ve since learned better. Now, I do what I want to fit my personality and how I feel in the moment – and have for many years. I came to the conclusion a long time ago that no one else was considering my thoughts or opinions when they woke up and prepared for their day, so why did I? So, I try to stay true to who I am without regards to other people’s opinions of me. I know what it’s like to have people place labels on me for how I look, dress and carry myself, and they often miss the mark – and they know it!  But it doesn’t bother me because I’ve learned that the best way to be is to always be me. My true and authentic me. So far, so good.

Be safe. Be smart. Have fun.

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